I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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