Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
