You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
