Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
