I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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