Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
