oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
