the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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