I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
