It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
