I want to stick my p in your. b.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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