I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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