She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I cut my penus on the lid.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
