I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
