Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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