What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The adults are the big ones right?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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