she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
