does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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