and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
