The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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