If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
