Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
