I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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