I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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