the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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