Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
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Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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