I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
