This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
