he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
