I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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