I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
