Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
