Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
