I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
