is your mom at the bar?
Umm I'm too high to move.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
