did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
