I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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