Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
