It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
