Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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