I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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