In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
