it hurts more in the daytime
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
