The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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