Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
