I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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