He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
