I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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