this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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