Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
