I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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