Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
