Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
