i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
