KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
