This girl is more easily done than said...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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