I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My bed smells like the plague
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
