I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
