ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
