im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize