Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
