she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
