i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
