are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
