just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize