Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
