Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
