Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
